Ever notice how some people seem naturally happy, positive, and full of life?
What puts that extra spring in their step?
Personally, I’d say I’m generally a happy person… although I may not always look that way (apparently I have a bit of a “resting grumpy face,” according to my wife!). Like everyone, I have moments where I feel down. And like many people, I’ve wondered:
Can we actually become happier?
What Really Drives Happiness?
Is happiness something you’re born with—or something you create?
Research tells us it’s both. While some of our happiness is influenced by genetics, a significant portion—up to 40%—comes from the choices we make each day. That means how we think, how we act, and how we show up in our lives truly matters.
From a health perspective, this is important. Our thoughts, stress levels, and daily habits all influence how our nervous system functions—how well our body adapts, heals, and regulates itself. In many ways, happiness isn’t just a feeling… it’s a reflection of how well we’re adapting to life.
What the Research Shows
One of the longest-running studies on happiness, the Harvard Study of Adult Development, followed people for over 80 years. What they found was surprisingly simple:
Happiness isn’t about wealth or status. It’s about how we live—and who we share life with.
As participants aged, two clear patterns stood out.
First, the happiest individuals learned to let things go. They stopped holding onto past mistakes, worried less about the small stuff, and focused more on what truly mattered. They also made time for things they enjoyed—whether that was hobbies, creativity, or simple play.
So often, we hear people say, “I’ll get back to that when life slows down,” or “when I retire.” But life has a way of moving quickly, and our health doesn’t always wait. Creating space now—even in small ways—for what brings you joy can have a powerful impact over time.
The second, and perhaps most important finding, was connection.
Connection Changes Everything
The strongest predictor of happiness and long-term health wasn’t diet, exercise, or even genetics—it was the quality of a person’s relationships.
Connection with family, friends, and community creates a sense of belonging and support. It also has a direct impact on the body, helping regulate stress and promoting a more balanced, resilient nervous system.
On the other hand, isolation can take a real toll—not just emotionally, but physically as well.
As humans, we are wired for connection. It’s part of how we heal, grow, and thrive. Whether it’s a meaningful conversation, time with family, or simply feeling seen and supported, these moments matter more than we often realize.
A Simple Reflection
This may sound a little heavy, but it’s something I think about from time to time:
What would I want my last day to feel like?
For me, it’s not about achievements or things. It’s about being surrounded by the people I love, feeling a sense of peace, gratitude, and connection.
That’s what stands out.
That’s what lasts.
The Takeaway
Happiness isn’t something we stumble into—it’s something we build.
It’s found in the way we care for ourselves, how we adapt to stress, and how we stay connected to the people and things that matter most. When our body and nervous system are supported, we’re better able to experience those moments fully.
Connection. Presence. Purpose.
That’s the real secret to happiness.
Dr. Thom